Condition or Reassurance?

Well, apparently you don't visit here.

If you say that my asking of the emails or sms or call records is as a condition of our reconcillation, what are you trying to imply?

You might think that it's a condition, why not think of it as a form of reassurance or validation?

My Choice

I forgive you, but it might take some time to regain trust and restore our relationship.

Forgiveness is one thing; Reconciliation is another

Ok, this post is lengthy, but helpful. Origin here.

It is common for those who have been seriously hurt to feel hesitant about reconciling with their offenders. When your offender is genuinely repentant, however, it is important to open yourself to the possibility of restoration. Remember, Jesus spoke about reconciliation with a sense of urgency (see Matthew 5:23-24). If you are hesitant to reconcile, work through the ten guidelines on the next pages.

1. Be honest about your motives -Make sure that your desire is to do what pleases God and not to get revenge. Settle the matter of forgiveness (as Joseph did) in the context of your relationship with God. Guidelines for reconciliation should not be retaliatory.
2. Be humble in your attitude -Do not let pride ruin everything. Renounce all vengeful attitudes toward your offender. We are not, for example, to demand that a person earn our forgiveness. The issue is not earning forgiveness, but working toward true reconciliation. This demands humility. Those who focus on retaliation and revenge have allowed self-serving pride to control them.
3. Be prayerful about the situation -Jesus taught his disciples to pray for those who mistreat them (Luke 6:28). It is amazing how our attitude toward another person can change when we pray for him. Pray also for strength to follow through with reconciliation (see: Hebrews 4:16).
4. Be willing to admit ways you might have contributed to the problem –“Even if you did not start the dispute, your lack of understanding, careless words, impatience, or failure to respond in a loving manner may have aggravated the situation. When this happens, it is easy to behave as though the other person’s sins more than cancel yours, which leaves you with a self- righteous attitude that can retard forgiveness (i.e. relational forgiveness). The best way to overcome this tendency is to prayerfully examine your role in the conflict and then write down everything you have done or failed to do that may have been a factor.” (Ken Sande, p. 168). Such a step, however, is not suggested to promote the idea of equal blame for all situations. (See: Matthew 7:1-6) (Italicized words added).
5. Be honest with the offender -If you need time to absorb the reality of what was said or done, express this honestly to the one who hurt you. Yet we must not use time as a means of manipulation and punishment.
6. Be objective about your hesitancy –Perhaps you have good reasons for being hesitant to reconcile, but they must be objectively stated. Sometimes, for example, repeated confessions and offenses of the same nature make it understandably hard for trust to be rebuilt. This is an objective concern. Clearly define your reasons for doubting your offender’s sincerity.
7. Be clear about the guidelines for restoration -Establish clear guidelines for restoration. Requirements like restitution can be clearly understood. Others include financial accountability, holding down a job, and putting away substances.
8. Be realistic about the process -Change often requires time and hard work. Periodic failure by an offender does not always indicate an unrepentant heart. Behavior patterns often run in deep channels. They can place a powerful grip on a person’s life. A key indicator for change is the attitude of the offender. While you may proceed with some caution, be careful about demanding guarantees from a person who has truly expressed repentance. If the person stumbles, the process of loving confrontation, confession, and forgiveness may need to be repeated . Setbacks and disappointments are often part of the process of change. Don’t give up too easily on process of reconciliation. Keep the goal of a fully restored relationship open.
9. Be mindful of God’s control –“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). “We know that God works all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). “When you are having a hard time forgiving someone (i.e. being restored), take time to note how God may be using that offense for good. Is this an unusual opportunity to glorify God? How can you serve others and help them grow in their faith? What sins and weaknesses of yours are being exposed? What character qualities are you being challenged to exercise? When you perceive that the person who has wronged you is being used as an instrument in God’s hand to help you mature, serve others, and glorify him, it may be easier for you to move ahead with forgiveness (i.e. restoration)” (Ken Sande, p.165;cf. Hebrews 12:7;I Pet.2:23b; 4:19). (Italicized words added).
10. Be alert to Satan’s schemes -In Ephesians 4:27, the apostle warns about the possibility of giving Satan an opportunity in our lives. Significantly, this warning is given in the context of unchecked anger. A few verses later, the Apostle wrote, ” Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 4:29-5:2). Meditate on these words and put them into practice! (See also: II Corinthians 2:14; Hebrews 12:15).

What is forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?

What is forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?

1. Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes or misdeeds. Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship.

2. Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings or animosity for any wrongdoing. Forgetting is the lack of further discussion, with no ongoing negative references to the event.

3. Forgiving is letting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions or words that hurt or disappointed you. Forgetting is promising that this deed, whether of omission or commission, will not be brought up again.

4. Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow and regret expressed over a grievous personal offense; making it sufficient to clear the air. Forgetting is your commitment to let go of anger, hurt and pain over this offense.

5. Forgiving is giving a sign that a person's explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful or painful act is fully accepted. Forgetting is the development of a plan of action between the two of you to heal the scars resulting from the behavior.

6. Forgiving is the highest form of human behavior that can be shown to another person. It means being vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication. Forgetting is is also a noble human behavior; it is letting go of the need to seek revenge for past offenses.

7. Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that holds the wound together long enough to heal. Forgetting is also an act of love; in rehabilitation therapy, helping the wounded return to a full and functional life.

8. Forgiving is the God-like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure and lighten the burden of guilt. Forgetting is the God-like gift of spiritually touching others' hearts with the reassurance of a happy and full life with no fear of recrimination.

9. Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship. Forgetting is bridging this gap in the relationship, eventually strengthening it against such a break in the future.

10. Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity and gentleness by which you let another know that he is indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier to goodness. Forgetting is the act of encouragement, support and reinforcement by which you assist the other person to rebuild, reconnect and re-establish a loving, caring, healthy relationship with you and the world.

What keeps a relationship strong

What keeps a relationship strong is:
1. Trust
2. Communication
3. Intimacy
4. A sense of humor
5. Sharing tasks
6. Some getaway time without business or children
7. Daily exchanges (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. Sharing common goals and interests
9. Giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure
10. Giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment

Chances

I am not sure.

Like what you said - if trust is not there, it is very hard to continue.

But I would like to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt as to whether I am wrong or right.

Taking chances is what I like to do. I took a chance one year ago. And now? I don't know.

But still, I miss you.

Beware of Garbage Trucks

Beware of Garbage Trucks By David J. Pollay

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive colleague ruin your day? Unless you're a robot, you are bound to blow your top off. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly he or she can get back his or her focus on what's important.

Sixteen years ago, I learned this lesson. I learn it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happen.

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now called, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. If they happen to dump it on you, don't take it personally.

You just smile, wave, wish them well, and moved on. You'll be happier if you did that rather than fight them.

So this was it: 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

I started thinking, how often do I let garbage trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the street? It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.' I see garbage trucks everywhere and everyday. I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my taxi driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know they have to welcome their kids home from school with hugs and kisses. Teachers and parents know that they have to be fully present and at their best for the people they care about.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?

Here's my bet. You'll be happier.

So...love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe that every thing happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT!
If it changes your life, LET IT!
Nobody said it would be easy...
They just promised it would be WORTH IT

Cheers!
"Life is short. Enjoy the journey."

Proof

Is there any proof that you can show me to settle my heart?

Give me peace of mind, or just kill me with a blow.

Somebody kill me!

It hurts. I hurt. I'm angry, I'm sad. My emotions are totally in a mess.

Somebody kill me!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Perfect 10

Today's 10 Oct 2010, some might say that it's the perfect 10.

Having lived through 01-01-01 all the way till 10-10-10, and I guess at least 12-12-12, I'm sure that people do things on these easy to remember dates.

Today may be a 'nothing special' day or it may be a 'to be remembered forever' day. Which of these applies to you?

Me? It is memorable, in a way. How? I'll let you know when it is the right time.