You're Mine. Of course!

I have just been claimed yesterday. It was a pretty interesting process actually, Mr. Tall Giant went, "You're mine." I retorted, "You're mine". And he said, "Of course!"

But he'll be flying off on Friday, to his internship in Milan, and will be doing his Sep/Oct period in France. He mentioned that he will speak to the relevant department such that he can return for the Nov/Dec period (given the fact that his home campus is here).

Quite a fair bit was shared between us yesterday. I'm still a little apprehensive, but let's see how things go!

By Nature

I was just sent a message the other day, saying "By nature, I tend to not rely too much on the future".

That made me think: by nature - what is by nature for you?

By nature, I like to talk.
By nature, I enjoy being alone.
By nature, I like to smile and laugh loudly.
By nature, I like rain.
By nature, I trust people.

Circumstances cause people to change. Fortunately or unfortunately, that's up to your perspective.

Player and The Game

I was just told that I'm a player, or rather, that I give the impression that I am a player.

My reaction? I just laughed. So, am I, or am I not?

Officially I'd say not, but based on the results that I Googled, it seems that I fit pretty well into the peg that players fall in. What can I say?

As they say, love the player, hate the game... Or is it Love the game, hate the player?

I had a dream... Again...

I dreamt of Mr Bus 16 again on 18Jan12. In my dream, he asked me, "Do you love me?" and I replied with, "Do YOU love me?"

And I woke up without getting the answer.

Of course, the dream bugged me (duh). How could I wake up without hearing the answer?

Instead if mulling over the 'what could have been', I asked him on msn. And then answers that he gave, let's just put it as non-committal and evasive?

And my horoscope readings on those few days were a little disturbing as well:

Tell me now, what am I to do? I already am telling my friends to introduce people for me to meet, and I am meeting them, but the feeling's not the same... =(

New Role!

I'll be starting on a new role on 27Feb12.

Actually I had gone for the interview the week before Christmas, and they offered the role a couple of weeks ago.

I had taken 4 days to deliberate over the offer. During which I had to take into consideration the following factors:

1. My very nice professors whom I'm supporting that makes it very hard for me to leave them
2. The new role that would have irregular working hours (while the program is running)
3. The fact that I would have to travel on the new job
4. The regular hours that I am enjoying now
5. The not too significant pay raise

But all in all, I decided to take the leap to take up the new role. Fly or die!

And when my manager had to inform them that I am moving on, Nils went: "Then I should retract my positive reviews for Connie. Her support has been very poor, so she got to stay as my assistant." He's such a funny fellow!! 

Once again

Once again, I've been played for a fool.

You might have seemed different, but you're not.

Why is that so?

"Don't Let the World Change Your Smile"

I must admit, when I was working for quite some time in my previous company, I was 'poisoned' by the energies over in the place.

That had resulted in a very short tempered, easily aggravated person who was always in a bad mood.

But now? I'm smiling all the time, all the way, and of course, attracting smiles in return! I like it!

Bali Bali!

I'm out of flying holidays for the rest of the year (horrors)!

It has been a good year: 

3 times to Bangkok,

2 times to Bali
1 time to Koh Samui,

And I can't remember any other flights!

Most memorable trip would be the trips to Bali. Stayed at W Resort and Spa the first time round, and had lots of relaxation - do stay there, it's well worth the money!

Second time round was for Zumba (I did say how much into Zumba I am). Two words: Awesomely awesome! Great company, great shopping, great time, great workout - what more can I ask for?

Should I plan for Bali again next year? Haha!

Hold me, Love me

I've got the sudden craving for someone to just simply hug me, and hold me and kiss me.

Ok, maybe just to hug me and hold me for now?

Any takers?

Yes, I'm in the mood for some good loving! ;)

Look Alike

Hanging out at the Wavehouse at Sentosa last Sat, I saw someone who resembled Mr Bus 16.

It's not him, but I was checking him out for a while, and saw that he's good with kids (or at least a kid), and no wedding band! =P

Casual Dating

Got my hopes raised a little too early, and someone just pricked the bubbles of happiness.

Met up with Mr. Bus 16 for brunch yesterday, and he mentioned that in the past 9 months that we had not been in contact, he realized a few things. One of which was that he's fine being single. And in his own words, he's looking for casual dating.

Frankly, I'm disappointed and sad over with what he's looking at. But at least he's honest, and "next candidate please!"

Smile often!

I really must be thankful of my smile - Mr. Bus 16 says he couldn't forget my radiant smile when he first saw me!

Yes, we're meeting on 27Aug11, and at least I won't have questions on possibilities and all! I can't wait for 27Aug!

It reminds me of the saying "Never frown, cos you'll never know who's falling in love with your smile". I'm glad I'm a smiley person!

A message from the universe

I believe that the universe is always sending us messages, and so I sent one of my own - I sent Mr. Bus 16 a message on Facebook.

Guess what? He replied, and said that he thinks of me sometimes too!! OMG - I'm giddy with happiness when I saw that! (I was thinking of what could happen - could he tell me to stop bothering him, or he might just not reply to the message).

He suggested that we should meet up, and I've agreed, and proposed a date. Let's see how things go. *Keeping my fingers and toes and whatever that could cross crossed*

Repeated dreams

I dreamt of him again - Mr. Bus 16, and I am so temped to text him that.

Maybe it's just cos I'm up in Genting, when the last time I came up with my girls I was busy texting and thinking of him while he was in Macau.

I wonder what could happen if I texted him that I am thinking of him? It has been 9 months since we last communicated.

Should I just tell him to stop contacting me on the other realm? (Now I'm making it sound like I'm being haunted by him!)

Long Nails

I love having long nails, be it natural nails or nail extensions. The above is taken when I first fell in love with gel nail extensions. I have since given up on nail extensions and decided to grow my personal long nail.

I remember when I first met my prof - he couldn't help but ask "Can you do Taekwondo with your long nails?"

I have just been reminded by Mr. JTC why I should keep them long. He mentioned over lunch today "I like the ladies with long nails. It makes them feel more feminine. I remember when I first saw you, you had long red nails."

Well, I love them too! They scratch well, and look good with nail polish (which I have a lot of)!

Could Have Been

Saw this video today - What could have been, and I thought about Mr Bus 16.

I thought I saw Mr. Bus 16 again (on bus 16), but I did not board the bus, as I had a faster bus back home. I guess this is what they say fated to meet but not destined to be together.

Now there's Mr. SS (Smoked Salmon). Well, we both know for a fact that the both of us are single,and the fact that he will not be in Singapore often for the next 2 years, so it'll be a case of let's see how things go.

It could work out or blow up in our faces. But then again, not many things in life is guaranteed, isn't it?

I'm now past 25, make that past 26, why not go for what I want?

According to Nike: JUST DO IT

Drinking

I think I should start drinking at 2000h the next time round. Like for a normal bottle of wine?

Because just drinking makes me think of things that could have been, would have been...

I Was A Prostitute: The Truth About Sex

Read this here, thought to share it with you:


Last night I went to a sex trafficking awareness event.

Black and white photographs - mug shots - of broken, bruised women arrested and brought in for prostitution flashed across the screen, over and over and over. Horrifically broken women. Women who, like horses, have had their spirits broken in order to serve another man's purpose and desire.

I listened to a 30 second clip of a young woman pleading and sobbing with a judge for mercy in his ruling on her 31 solicitation charges: "This isn't me. I'm not this woman. I don't want to be this. I don't want to do this anymore. This isn't me. Please, please help me. Please."

Don't punish me for what I did, because this isn't the woman I wanted to be.

But I feel like I have no other option.

I beg of you to be the man who stands in my defense.

Sitting on that cold, wooden bench, watching this girl beg for someone to understand that Prostitute wasn't her name, I was shocked to find that the ache swelling in my heart was an ache I'd felt before. The same pain I've felt many times. An ache I could see written on the faces of every single girl and woman in that room.

Why could every woman identify with the sobbing prostitute in the court room?

I have begged for someone to see me as the woman I want to be; not as the woman I've fallen into being.

I have been the woman condemned by the sex I've allowed, agreed to, and willingly sought out - but later, desperately cried out for someone, anyone who will understand that this isn't the woman I want to be. This isn't me.

But a small part of me feels like I had no other option. It was out of my control. I said yes, but did I really mean it?
Desperately wanting a man to stand in my defense. To fight for me, before he wants sex.

"I used to think prostitutes were the criminals. Not the victims. Everyone has a choice, right? She had the option of not agreeing to sex. But look at these women's faces. When you judge thousands of domestic violence cases, you learn what victims look like and what they don't. And every single woman brought in on a solicitation charge looks like a victim. I started studying statistics on women charged with selling their bodies. Every single woman has been the victim of another crime: domestic violence, abuse, incest, molestation, abandonment. But we prosecute them as the criminal."

So this judge made the decision to start viewing prostitutes not as criminals, but as victims. A second chance.

Sex taken from them. Not given. Even though they said yes. Even though they received something in return.

Every time I had sex I said yes to it. But I have always felt like something was taken from me. Even though every single time I thought I got what I wanted or needed that night.

Do you have a choice? And is that really the question? Is it really the word Yes or No that matters?

Did those women have the choice to say no to giving up their bodies in return for something else they desperately needed to make it through the day?

Do you? Do I? Out of the overflow of the heart, so the mouth speaks. 

The ugly truth of prostitution is that those women don't really have a choice. The majority of them have been trafficked, and if you're familiar with trafficking, you know that it is kidnapping and slavery in it's most brutal, gruesome, despicable, evil form.

The ugly truth of prostitution is that those women exchanged sex for what they needed to get through that day alive, according to their past, their perspective, and the men who shaped their lives.

And the ugly truth of my sex life is that in the past, I have given every inch of my body in exchange for what I needed to get through that day alive, according to my past, my perspective, and the men who shaped my life and my culture.

That is why every woman in the room could relate to the desperation, pain, judgement, guilt, brokenness, and plea for mercy expressed by the prostitute.

Because I believe that as a woman who has had sex with men who did not commit their life and love to me, I am as that of a prostitute. 

As are you, if you have also slept with a man before he married you. 

I am not judging you. I am fighting heart and soul in your defense. 

Because I know that you feel like you were the victim of another crime. A father who left. A man who broke your spirit. An emptiness that never ceases. Pain inflicted on you by another. A culture that tells you sex is all you're worth. Men who have degraded, devalued and destroyed women through pornography. A society that has lied to you about sex since the day you were born. The victim of men who refused to fight in your behalf; men who refused to fight for you. All of you.

Because I know that when you said yes, you thought he would stay. Because I know that when you said yes, you knew he wouldn't.

Because I know that you were in search of something other than sex, just as I was.

The truth is that when we want sex, we want passionate intimacy. We want a man to want us. We want him to actively, physically demonstrate his intense desire for us - over everything else he could be doing at this very moment.

We want closeness. We want to feel needed, wanted; to feel like we both fully satisfy and are satisfied by another.

I'm not eliminating our desire for physical pleasure, or to put it bluntly, saying that "women just want to be wanted, we don't care about getting off."

No. What I'm pointing out is that when we crave sex, we are craving things that can't be delivered by getting ourselves off. Otherwise we would be forever content with that.

And this is how we identify how powerful sex is. 

I am not jaded when it comes to sex. I am not pandering abstinence because traditional Christianity labels all self-indulgence as "sin."

I want it. I enjoy it. It frustrates me when I cannot have it. But I have learned that "sex will satisfy me" is a lie, and comes at great cost.

Beloved woman, would you still be turned on if the man in your bed said:

"You're sexy, but I might decide another woman is sexier later."

"You are beautiful, but not enough to make me yours forever."

"I love you, but I can't promise I'll protect you, in fact - I'll probably hurt you instead."

"I love getting you off, but if you get pregnant, I might not be the dad."

"I love your body, but only because you're hot. And I'm watching porn when I'm not with you."

"I want you more than anything, but just tonight. It will be different next week."

"I came over because you're easy sex and I don't have to really love you to get anything."

"I want your beauty and your warmth and your body, but nothing else."
Whether or not the man you are sleeping with is saying these things out loud, these statements are being branded into your mind, body & heart every single time you have sex outside of marriage.

Because they are all true, when sex is had without a diamond on your finger. There is no guarantee that a man is staying, that he loves you and is committed to you - and so these statements are inherently true. And there is nothing that the best intentions can do to alter their truth.

Even if you are content with going through with sex, and sacrificing what you know you want or deserve in order for temporary companionship, comfort, "love," or physical pleasure, you WILL start to believe certain things about yourself, other men, and other women.

You will start to believe that you are no better. That men are no better.

It will alter your view of sex, love, relationships, and men. But most importantly, it will alter your view of yourself. 

It will name you Prostitute when your precious, broken heart begs a man to see you as the woman you always wanted to be.

We are a generation of women who have been convinced by the men in our lives that sex is what we have to give in order to attain what we need to get through life.

I crave Something, and men have convinced me that sex will fill it.

Be honest with me. When you tell yourself that you want sex, did you come to this conclusion by yourself? Or is it the product of the men in your life and the culture you live in? I challenge you to sit down and wrestle through this.

Are you the criminal, or are you the victim of a broken world, in dire need of Love in it's true form?

Women, we have sold ourselves.

And it is breaking us.

The human body is not built to withstand regrettable sex. We are not built to give everything before he has stepped up and committed to give us everything back. This is why you feel like something has been taken, even though you said yes.

Women, you are not built to have sex with a man who has not committed his heart, mind and body to you for the rest of your life.

I beg of you to join me in saying No.

Saying No to the lie that sex alone will satisfy what you crave.

Saying No to men until one of them loves you enough to promise to give, not to take. For the rest of his life.

I beg of you to sit at the foot of Jesus with me as Prostitute. As he gives us new names, and fights in our behalf.

Is It You?

I saw someone who looks like you, and he smiled at me!

Somehow it reminded me of the way that we met, just eye contact and smiles.

Okay, maybe as I wasn't wearing any visual aids hence he looks like you, but still, I couldn't help but to wonder...

As sweet as sugar or honey?

What's the difference between sugar and honey? Other than the fact that one is in sold form while the other is in a liquid form?

How about girls who are sweet? How would you categorize them?

I chanced upon a magazine, where a guy said that he fell asleep while being on the telephone with his girlfriend. Instead of hanging up the phone, the girl was still on the line when he awoke half an hour later. And guess what she said?

"I was just listening to you snore, it's so adorable"

So sweet, isn't it? However, the guy still broke up with her, cos she is 'as sweet as honey'.

You see, in a guy's perspective, there're differences in sweetness. For a guy, both sugar and honey are sweet, but he can have sugar without making a mess of the whole process, while honey is tacky, and one can't just eat without making a mess.

How sweet are you?